mystoriesetc

Highs and Lows - How I deal with them

I'm not sure where to start here. So much has happened over the last year that it's a bit overwhelming. And I don't intend to dwell on any of it, just how it's been dealt with and why.

I guess over the years you develop your own philosophy on life. And I guess because of my fascination with words that I more or less collect sayings that "mean" something to me. These sayings (some may call them mantras - I like that word, it incorporates a little Magic) help me retain my focus and make my choices.

One of these is the simple three letter word, "ACT" meaning:

1. ACCEPT the things you cannot change.

2. CHOOSE to envision the way you'd like your life to be and

3. TAKE ACTION toward that goal.

I read this years ago and decided that it was good advice. It fits into almost every aspect of my life (the highs and the lows).

Last summer held so many highs and lows that I don't intend to mention them all. FROM my only daughter's wedding which was beautiful and everything that we wanted it to be TO three deaths in our immediate family that had to be dealt with as best we could. Enough said.

One of my highs (at least one that I feel OK to mention here) was discovering "Maine" last summer. I had won an Audubon Scholarship to a workshop on Hog Island in Muscongas Bay and spent a week there and in the Damarascotta area. Well, I fell in love with Maine.

I've traveled some both in the US and in Europe, loved all of it - BUT never felt the feeling I had there, that this was where I belonged, that all my life I had searched for something, somewhere... and this was it. This is where I should live and die.

It was a strange wonderful scary feeling. Strange because it was "new", wonderful because it was "euphoric", and scary because it was an "impossible dream". My family was/is firmly entrenched in the South.

OK, ACT says:

1. ACCEPT the things you cannot change. I probably would not be able to move there permanently. Husband's acceptance would be needed and the chances that Maine would affect him the same were nil. Honoring my love and commitment to him would take precedence here. But

2. CHOOSE to envision how I'd like my life to be. I'd like to spend part of my life, my summers, in Maine - maybe rent a cottage and have the family come to stay if they'd like and

3. TAKE ACTION toward that vision. We already have reservations for this coming summer. I will show him the area I've fallen for and we will look for cottages to rent.

OK, this was one HIGH. Now for the LOW.

In August, 2001 while in the hospital with my brother who was dying of cancer at 59, I too was diagnosed with the disease. This was not totally unexpected as my father, sister, nephew, and many aunts and uncles have all succumbed to this malady in the last few years.

STILL it puts your life on hold. Mine was caught early and after surgery and radiation, am doing fine.

STILL there's the FEAR.

I read somewhere, "Replace the FEAR with LOVE. Replace CONFLICT with PEACE." It takes a bit of practice, but this WORKS (and I'm not saying that it's easy, but it does work - for me). You would have to figure out how it works for you, but for me when the FEAR comes on, I think of SOMETHING I LOVE, something that makes it all worthwhile - like my grandson's cheruby toddler face - or - a holy moment, one of those moments in your life where time seemed to stop and peace prevailed (for me it was on a pier in Biloxi watching a storm come in).

STILL there's ACT.

I would:

1. ACCEPT the diagnosis. I couldn't change it. BUT I would

2. CHOOSE to envision the way I'd like my life to be - cancer free. And I would

3. TAKE ACTION towards that goal. I now follow a Macrobiotic Diet, walk 2 miles a day, and try to enjoy each day as it comes as I know that I don't know what tomorrow brings.

It is a constant battle, but again it works "for me". It's been seven months and sometimes I find myself forgetting and just enjoying life again. There were times when I didn't think this would be possible - that life would never be quite the same again.

Well, maybe "quite" is the magic word here. But it's enough...

I believe in God, I believe in Magic, I believe in Science (and I see no reason for these beliefs to conflict. They all exist and coexist quite peaceably in my body, mind, and soul - but this is probably the stuff for another story.)

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